Tim Meadows on "Late Night with Conan O'brien"
Transcribed by K Arai
 
 

CONAN O'BRIEN, HOST: You make a very fine Oprah.

TIM MEADOWS: Thank you, man. I don't know if I'll have kids 'cause it would be hard to explain to them what I do for living.

O'BRIEN: Really?

MEADOWS: Yeah, just woman's dresses and wear wigs.

O'BRIEN: I don't know--they might get into it. You know--I don't see you that much. I used to see you more often. I'd see you in the hallways--'cause Saturday Night Live was shot--you guys were two floors above us from this studio. I'd see you all the time. I don't see you--you've moved away?
 
MEADOWS: Yeah, we moved up to (UNINTELLIGIBLE)county...

O'BRIEN:Up state New York.

MEADOWS:Up state New York, yeah. It's pretty cool--'cause I'm a city guy, you know. So, at first I got there--one time I saw a deer and I was like "Oh, my god! Look at the size of rats up here!" And I was like "Oh, wait they have antlers. It's not exactly a rat." But I still threw a rock at them.

O'BRIEN: You'll get a note from the deer people. I've always admire people that can do impressions. I can't do them as Andy pointed out earlier, I don't do impressions--thanks Andy

ANDY: Oh, you're welcome.

O'BRIEN: But you do a great Sammy Davis Jr. impression which you do on a bunch of shows--what's the secret to do a good Sammy?

MEADOWS: The secret--all I know is that you have to talk in the back of your throat, and shoot your jaw to left.

(IMITATION BEGIN)
"So, it's like that, man. And then you have to do little thing with the face, you know."
(IMITATION END)

That's pretty much how it is, you know. (applause from the audience) No, don't. The thing about Sammy though...

O'BRIEN: I saw some Jay Leno in there.

MEADOWS: Just in the jaw, I think. But the thing I love about Sammy is just how he would end any song, you know? It was just like "Happy birthday to" and you just think it would be "you," it would be "Happy birthday to YOOOOOOOOU!" Like that. (to the audience)You had to clap, you know what I mean. I felt like an idiot if you didn't clap.

O'BRIEN: You gotta give it up for Sammy.

MEADOWS: You gotta give it up for Sammy.

O'BRIEN: Now, what are you--you're married, you mentioned you don't have kids yet. What do you and your wife do together in your spare time?

MEADOWS: Well, we... Conan?

O'BRIEN: And I'd like to see some photographs if that's possible.

MEADOWS: Thank you. You don't wanna see this gut--believe me. No, we do a lot of things, we hang out a lot. (suddenly turn to Andy)Hi, Andy.

ANDY: Hi. How are ya.

MEADOWS: We like to go out and check out the theaters and stuff.  We have this rule together: the other person go and see a crappy thing and you can't complain about it. So I go see opera and ballet because she loves it. But the thing is if I go to sleep, she can't complain, you know. So we worked out a just little deal. We went to see this opera Tosca? And it was with--I'm sure you know.

O'BRIEN: Why, are you assuming I don't just because I had a vacant stare? And I went "Woaaa!"

MEADOWS: Well, it was Pavarotti. I've never been to opera before. The only thing I know about opera is that it's not opera if not the fat lady sings.  I was really pissed because in one there was no fat woman in there at all. I figured, this is boring 'cause if there's a fat woman you can have something to point and laugh at during the thing.

O'BRIEN: So you got the deer people in your corner, and the fat woman in your corner. That's the meanest thing anyone ever said on the show.

MEADOWS: Oh, no. Come on. That's not the meanest thing. I heard...

O'BRIEN: You're right. Far worse things, thanks.

MEADOWS: (getting back to the opera story)So, it was ok. It was pretty nice and stuff. I know opera's been around for a dozen years or whatever. But...

O'BRIEN: Invented in mid 1960's.

MEADOWS: Yeah, during Motown year. But you know, I have few suggestions. You know, they wanna make it popular. They really wanna put it over the--get it over. I notice like after every act they come and the people would clap. And I just thought "That's not really cool. You should sort of wait till the end of the show. Then you'd clap because I just feel like if I'm gonna give it up in the first act, that was my first time opera, it might not be that good to me, you know. First act, then they come out, you clap, then they put so much pressure on you because what if the second act starts, and then you realize "The first act was really good."  So then you feel sort of uncomfortable like "Maybe, I didn't give up then, so I have to give up during the second act, but it's not really fair to the second act or not fair to the first act."

O'BRIEN: You are thinking this way too much, my friend.

MEADOWS: I know. I got it all written down. If you gonna give it up, which I don't mind giving it up. I will give it up if somebody is a great performer. But if you ask me to give it up after every act, at the end of the show I might not wanna give it up anymore. So don't wear up my ability to give it up during the show, 'cause I would definitely give it up at the end of the show. Don't make me shoot my whole load at the first act.

O'BRIEN: (disgusted)What? It's an opera term.

MEADOWS: Yeah. I'm sorry...

O'BRIEN: So, was Pavarotti as good as they say?

MEADOWS: He shot his load at the first act...

O'BRIEN: Oh, no! There's a TV critic here tonight.

MEADOWS: Yeah, Pavarotti. I gave it up for him. He is good.

O'BRIEN: He does a good job. This weekend Saturday Night Live, Jennifer Love Hughit and Beasty Boys?

MEADOWS: Yeah--repeat...

O'BRIEN: Repeat! You are supposed to trick people into thinking "I gotta check that out. No, it's repeat..."

MEADOWS: I saw already.

ANDY: Maybe they didn't do right the first time.

O'BRIEN: Coming back to do it again. Tim, thank you for coming.


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